


The Artist & I // Malum AU

by thegirlofmanyships



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 19,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3690516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlofmanyships/pseuds/thegirlofmanyships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The alcoholic artist and the depressed crippled boy, doesn't sound like a match made in heaven to me."</p><p>In a world revolving around black coffee and the past they can't escape, maybe Michael and Calum can find an escape in each other. </p><p>(co-written with angelclifford - up to chapter eleven.)</p><p>©all rights to thegirlofmanyships and angelclifford 2014-2015</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally on wattpad only but someone recommended that I upload it here as well!! It got quite a good response on wattpad (1k votes, as of now) so I'm hoping people here like it as well. This will probably have around 30 chapters in total so I hope you like it :))
> 
> ~Hannah.

★ written by hannah ★

Michael pov //

I've always done it, painted strangers that is. There is something awfully therapeutic about it. See, if you painted a close friend, partner, family member maybe, you might feel obliged to remove that mole they so despised or soften the shape of their nose. But strangers? The don't give a damn in the world, hell, they aren't even aware they're your muse. I let my thoughts stray down an unknown path as I exit my house. I paint somewhere different everyday and today I have chosen the park. I set off to the edge of town wrapping my flannel shirt around myself against the brisk wind. The park was run down, on the edge of council houses and estates, it wasn't over populated just full of dog walkers and teenage delinquents.

Once I arrived I perched myself on the same warn down bench I usually did, tucking my legs underneath myself before setting my notepad down in my lap. I chose a girl sat in the north-east of my eye line. She was sat on a bench as well, ebony hair tickling her jaw line, her brow furrowed at the book in her hands. I took my pencil in my hand and began to sketch every dimension of her pale complexion. I was wary of my subtle glances not want to scare her with obvious staring, luckily her head remained buried in her book the whole time.

 

I finished as the soft afternoon sun started to seep through the trees. I packed my pencils and art supplies away swiftly in two movements before striding past the girl I just sketched. I held back a smirk as I clocked her complete oblivion to my presence, I wonder what she'd think if she knew I had sat there for 2 hours painting her.


	2. Part Two

★ written by hannah ★

Calum pov //

Still there are darkened places deep in my heart,  
Where once was blazing light, now  
There's a tiny spark.

Paramore, Part II

I stared at the headstone before me, my expression blank. I traced my fingers over the golden lettering, taking in the dates of birth and passing. It was too short, he should be next to me, I shouldn't be sat next to his grave. That day starts to replay in my head but I press my fists to my eyes in a desperate attempt to drown it out; I couldn't do it. The scene replayed in my head, the screams, the gun shots and the thud when he hit the floor filled every cavern of my brain like it was teasing me, mocking my depressed state.

“I didn't mean to let you go, I know you'd tell me it's not my fault I guess, it's kind of not. But I could of moved, dived done anything, anything. I don't think I can forgive myself.” I said aloud to the nothing I sat in, my eyes still locked on the gravestone.

I let my head drop down not wanting to face the grave, that held...him 6 feet beneath it. I can't bring myself to say his name, I just can't any more. Its funny really because I think that describes my outlook on life at the moment, baring a slight will power but the sadness just suffocates that hope. It can't be helped, it won't be helped at least not for a while that is. I need something to give me hope but that won't happen because I seclude myself in this graveyard, day in, day out I refuse to let anyone in because I'm too busy drowning in self pity because I can't stand up any more.

Humans are selfish beings, if you have the time to think about it. We yearn for the admiration and love of others and cry when they're no longer there to provide us with it. You can fit anything into the equation, money, power, sex, it's all the same. No one cares unless your own well-being is okay.

I need to get out, I need to get out of this hell hole of a world I live in but I can't.

“WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME.” I screamed, echoing through the empty graveyard, tears streaming as I pounded my fist on the stone.

I decided there and then.

I never want to feel anything for anyone ever again.

It just causes too much pain, pain that I just can't handle anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question: who do you think is in the grave? Its probably pretty obvious but yeah.


	3. Part Three

★ written by ellie ★

Michael POV

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes  
Started making his way past 2 in the morning  
He hasn't been sober for days

\- Remembering Sunday, All Time Low

***

I collected up my paintbrushes, brushing my fingers gently over them, comparing the sizes and smiling. I ripped the brown paper away from the wooden frame and breathed in the new smell. It mixed in with my apartment, the cotton scent overpowering the thick alcohol that rested in the air. This was always a good time for me. I loved seeing the white canvas, happy it would change in an hour, happy that I had something to do that I enjoyed. I leant it against the couch and got my bag ready, filling it with paint and brushes and all the tools that made me happy. I took one last important one, turning it in my hand, letting the bottle shine in the light and I let out a smirk.   
I walked out the door, not bothering to lock it because - what was there to steal? A couple of empty beer bottles? Some shitty artwork? I made my way to the rundown 24/7 cafe, the only place that would take me and keep me company and let me be warm for a few hours. It was empty and I sat down in my usual spot, a window seat. Being in this cafe for most of my day had its perks, it was the best seat in the house.   
I set my canvas down and laid out my paint, putting it in order. The barista, a blonde with wrinkles and a small curved smile, scooted up beside me and gave me my usual coffee. I nodded at her, I wasn't in the mood to talk and pressed a note into her hand. I watched her rush off to get my change and sipped my coffee. I placed it down carefully so it sat neat and organised against my brushes. I fumbled around for a bit, taking out my flask and pouring in most of my vodka. I could feel the barista watching me and rolled my eyes. It helped me relax. I stirred it slowly, bringing it back up to meet up lips, looking out the window and searching for my newest subject.   
I spotted a guy, eyebrows knitted together, looking up at the door. He was in a wheelchair and was looking for a ramp, I guess. I craned my neck slightly to watch him, arms softly crossed around him, like he was protecting himself from something that lingered like a rain cloud above him. He had strong jaw, strong eyebrows and crinkles by his eyes that had formed from laughing too much. They looked like that hadn't been used in a while which made me frown.  
I stood up, scraping my chair back and walked to the door and held it open. He was shocked at the sudden movement and I walked around, pushing him into the cafe.   
'Where do you want to sit?' He gestured to a seat at the front of the shop.  
'T-thanks...' He blushed, clearly embarrassed. He looked so small, yet his arms were so big and the size comparison was so fucking cute. I smiled at him gently, watching him move uncomfortably in his chair for a few longing seconds.  
The barista came over, flipping open her notepad and nearly choking on her spit as she saw that I was actually smiling. I just chuckled as the guy raised his eyebrows at her, looking panicked and I turned on my heel, walking back to my place, picking up my paintbrush. I knew who my new painting was going to be.


	4. Part Four

★ written by hannah ★

Calum Pov

 

I could say I feel better,

it depends on the day

and what's going on inside my elevator brain.

 

\- Coffee with My Friends, Candy Hearts.

 

I let Ashton push me up the ramp into the café, I had tried to convince him to let me push myself but he wasn't having any of it. Oh probably should of mentioned that;

 

I'm disabled.

 

I wasn't born disabled, I've only been stuck in this stupid chair for around, 6 months if I recall correctly. I won't go into detail on how I lost all my independence and dignity because who cares? You sure don't.

 

Looking around, the café was pretty empty other than a middle aged man in the corner frowning over the morning papers and a white haired guy that looked around my age maybe, older near the door. Ash mumbled something about is it okay if he leaves me there, I mumbled something of a yes. With that he left me outside the café. I looked around for a ramp, finding one I wheeled myself up to the door, I started fumbling with the doorknob until a white-haired man walked to the other side of the door, standing aside so I could wheel myself in. He was wearing an off-white sweater that he pulled over his hands with black jeans and boots. His face looked so worn with dark pits underneath his eyes and he had the distinctive smell of alcohol around him. He was intriguing, to say the least.

 

“Where do you want to sit?” He asked me, a picked up a slight Australian accent, strange to find another Australian in London. I gestured to a seat at the front of the shop.

 

“T-thanks” I stuttered, my cheeks turning a deep shade of crimson. Way to go Calum, embarrass yourself in front of the cute guy.

 

I felt a pair of eyes on me so, of course, I looked up to find the white-haired guy not only looking at me but smiling. I checked around me but there was no one else he could be smiling at. Completely baffled but also embarrassed by his gesture, I averted my glance to my hands as they rested in my lap. It was so strange, stranger not only noticed my presence, which, if I'm honest, hasn't happened in months, unless it was to stare and give sympathetic looks.

 

God, I hated that. The sympathetic looks and sad smiles full of woe and pity. How is that going to help? Oh, that stranger just smiled at me sadly, would you look at that! I can walk again! Maybe I'm being too harsh, I'm sure they mean well.

 

But this smile the white-haired man had given me had no hint of sadness, sympathy, nothing of that sort, he also helped me through the door which is so strange, usually people leave me to struggle. He looked smug. Was it something I said? Did? No of course not, I've just been sat here, after he helped me through the door that is. I looked up again, he was still sat there but this time sketching away frantically only pausing to glance up at me. He wasn't sketching me was he? No that's insane, why would anyone sketch me? If he was painting me just because I was sat in this café, I'm not even the most sketch-worthy person here, the barista was extremely pretty.

 

I thought all of this, yet he still sat there scribbling away, stealing glances every so often. I was snapped out my thoughts by the sound of someone next to me.

 

“Excuse me sir? Can I get you anything?” The pretty barista asked me.

“Oh yeah, sorry, just a black coffee please.”

“Coming right up.” She replied before quickly dashing back behind the counter.

 

I twiddled my thumbs, still puzzled over the white-haired guy's behaviour. He seemed to be a regular here, from the way he talked to the barista. But who comes to a café just to sketch strangers? Surely that's a bit creepy.

 

*****

 

I spent the rest of the afternoon that way, drinking black coffee, studying this guy's behaviour as subtly as possible. He seemed to be adding a lot of alcohol to his coffee, which worried me a bit. Why would you ruin a good coffee with whiskey? He continued sketching until he seemed to be proud of it then got out a palette of watercolours and a set of paintbrushes and painting his sketch.

 

The most frustrating part of it was there was no way of me finding out if he painted me or not. What was I meant to say? Just stroll on over to him and say, hey I noticed you staring at me like a creep so I wondered; are you painting me?

I had around a half an hour wait until Ashton finished at work, I'm really thankful for what Ashton's done for me since “the accident” we shall call it. He let me move in with him because it's too hard for me to live on my own, you know, being in a wheelchair and all. I am worried about him though. I can't remember the last time he smiled and he always looks so tired, not just from lack of sleep, but tired at the world, at what his life has become. He disappeared every night to god knows where, he just dropped me off at any place I desired before going to work. Ashton only worked at a dingy convenience store at the edge of town but we needed some way to pay rent. He used to be studying music at Uni, he was going to teach music to kids he had so much hope but one day he dropped it all.

My life revolved in the same old pattern, wake up, have Ashton get me food, have him help me wash, change. Have Ashton drop me off at the park, a café, graveyard. Stay there for a couple of hours, go home. Have Ashton get me food, have him help mewash, change. Sleep and repeat the next day.

So without Ashton, I couldn't survive so I loved him for that. If there was anyone more depressed than me in my life right now, it was Ashton, it hit him hardest after Lu -

You know what? I can't think about that right now. I have bigger problems, that being the white-haired creep smiling at me.

Maybe I was harsh calling him a creep, I'm just not used to the attention from strangers. I almost brought myself to wheel myself over him but that was before a bell rung as Ashton entered.

 

“You ready to go?”

“hm” I hummed in response, letting Ash push me away from the table and out the door.

I took one last glance at the guy, he smiled at me one last time and he waved.

 

****

 

“Ash, do you want to go to see him today? You haven't been there in a while.” I said into the silence as we drove home. He took a sharp but long intake of breath.

“I probably should, I just don't like graveyards they're so eerie and dead.”

“It's actually not that bad, as long as you keep talking it doesn't seem that bad.” I pointed out, he sighed in response.

“Okay, let's go.”

It was a short journey to the graveyard, I wheeled myself to the grave and Ashton crouched beside me. I brought myself to read the gravestone for the first time in months:

 

Here lies Luke Robert Hemmings,

Beloved Boyfriend, Friend, Brother and son.

Short lived but never forgotten

1996-2014.

 

Luke's parents had insisted the boyfriend and friend part had to be put on for me and Ashton. I turned my head to find Ash staring blankly at the gravestone before reaching up at tracing the word “boyfriend” with his index finger.

“Why him Cal? I should of kept him home from work that day, he had a cold I tried to tell him, I promise I did but he had insisted. I tried, I could have saved him Cal.” Ashton said, tears obvious in his voice.

“You can't blame yourself for this Ash,” I replied, holding back tears myself and reaching for his hand that lent on the arm rest of my chair. His hazel eyes met mine.

“I didn't tell him I loved him enough, it was always light hearted “I hate you”s when we had pillow fights. I didn't hold him, kiss him enough, I didn't treasure the look on his face when his favourite song came on shuffle, the way his hair fell in the morning, I didn't take in the little things. I didn't love him enough, Cal; and I'll never get to tell him how much I love him again. And I don't think I can forgive myself for that.”


	5. Part Five

★ written by ellie ★

Michael POV

We can make it up again

and we don't care we just pretend

with the faces of the men

And don't ask a lot

and you won't lose a lot

\- Action Cat, Gerard Way

***

When the cute guy left, my shoulders slumped down. I couldn't paint without the person sitting in front of me and now I probably will never see him again, he seemed like he was only there for a one time only thing. I started filling in the background of the coffee shop, leaving behind a massive white patch in which the guy would sit.

I didn't even get his name, I thought, putting down my paintbrush, feeling regretful.

I mean, he was cute, and I really, really hadn't been in the dating scene for a while. I scoffed, getting up - who would want to date me? Unless they liked seeing me passed out on the ground with my hand curled around a bottle. I walked up to the counter, leaning on it and cleared my throat. The barista looked up at me, putting down her cloth.

'Hey, do you want another coffee?'

'No, I was wondering if I could work here?' She nodded slightly. She moved around a bit, finding something. She let her eyes scan over a piece of paper, frowning.

'Well, we're more busy at night time, 7pm to 3am because of, like, taxi drivers and shit. You up for that?'

I shrugged, I was usually still wake around that time anyway, just surrounded by beer instead of coffee.

'That's okay, I guess it doesn't do any harm right?'

***

It does a lot of harm. A fuck load of harm.

I watched the people around me, tired and smelly. Like, wow, I thought I stunk. It was quite loud, a few guys were in the corner, chatting happily. Two people were sleeping, a woman in her thirties who had been typing away at her computer and a man with his bus hat tipped back to cover his eyes, snoring a bit too loudly. How did they mange that with all this noise? It was like a club, but people were high on fucking tea. I still liked beer though. I rubbed my forehead, trying to remember the order I was suppose to be making. Was it white coffee or black? I looked up from where my hands had been fiddling at the cashier. It was the guy from before, the one in the wheelchair. I smiled, nodding to myself. It was black coffee, he said to the barista before. I flipped a switch on the coffee machine and pressed a few buttons. It poured out quickly into the jug and I carried it over to the edge of the counter.

'Hello! I saw you before, remember?' The guy looked up, a bit startled. He got scared quite easily I had found out, he was quite vulnerable and it reminded me of a cat.

'Oh, yeah, yeah! You work here?' I nodded, pulling out a white cup to put in the black active liquid.

'Until today, wanted to be productive, you know?' He furrowed his eyebrows, lips pursed.

'I understand that. I need that too actually, need to take my mind off something...' He trailed off quietly, so quiet that it was quite hard to hear him as I started pouring the coffee in.

'What's your name?'

'Calum.' I smiled again, it fitted him nicely.

'Shit!' I swore loudly, as the coffee started pouring down me, over filling the cup. Sarah, the barista came in, already with a cloth in hand. She shoved me over to the sink, texting icy water come in contact with my scarlet burns.

'Michael! You little shit, you've already broken that tea cup before!' She shook her head, mopping up the counter and handing me a new cup. I poured the coffee in, carefully this time. When my gaze reached Calum again, he was laughing loudly, hand fisting his shirt.

'Hey! S'not funny,' I pouted, leaning down to hand him his coffee, 'I wasted money.'

'And my coffee!' He giggled and I rolled my eyes. I started dabbing at my crotch, muttering to him,

'Yeah, did you want to drink it from my lap?' He turned red, spreading slowly from his cheeks, down to his neck and splashed along his chest. It was cute. I watched him try to balance his cup in between his knees and I walked out from behind the counter, pushing him.

'Sorry. I'm not used to this wheelchair business yet.'

'Oh, really? You've not been in it long?' He shook his head, looking into the coffee. I scraped the chair open and sat beside him, resting my hands on my chin.

'Will you tell me why?'

***


	6. Part Six

Hey, kid, you've got, a lot of potential  
but I think its time to move up,

so go on and blow us away with your sound;

 

All Time Low, The Party Scene.

 

“Will you tell me why?”

 

I froze. This guy just asked me why I was in a wheelchair, I don't even know his name. I contemplated my response for all of three seconds before spitting out a jumbled string of sentences that I could only just about comprehend myself.

 

“Um, n-no you see I don't like talking about t-the accident, it was bad, I mean bad, not for me I got away lightly I just, it was only six months ago, okay that seems like a lot. I don't want to talk about, dude I don't even know your name.” I let the words spill out of my mouth as I mentally slapped myself. The first human to properly acknowledge my existence in months and I do this.

 

After what felt like centuries of silence I looked away from the coffee that sat in-between my legs to meet the boy's mantis green eyes to see he was smiling.

 

“I'm Michael.” He finally said, I envied the way his words were said so simply, like they were coated with silk.

 

“Michael.” I breathed, it suited him so well. I looked at him to find his smile only grew, if that was possible.

 

“I'm sorry I should tell you why I'm stuck in this dammed chair, you have to push me around in it.”

 

“No no no,” Michael finally said, grabbing the chair's handles once again and steering me towards a table and sitting opposite me.

 

“You don't have to tell me anything, it was wrong of me to ask I'm sorry.” the concern his face displayed when he said that broke my heart a bit.

 

“No, you were completely right to ask, I won't tell you but I can show you.” I said smirking slightly. Michael raised his eyebrows in confusion at me but when I motioned towards the door he willingly got up and pushed me out of it.

 

“So where are we going exactly?”

 

“Park street, the old record shop.”


	7. Part Seven

★ written by ellie ★

Michael's POV

It doesn't matter when we get back  
To doing what we do  
'Cause right now could last forever  
Just as long as I'm with you

You're just a daydream away  
I wouldn't know what to say if I had you

A Daydream Away - All Time Low

***

We were in the park, I guessed. I never heard of this park and when I confessed that it was met with Calum's shocked eyes.

'How could you have never been to the park? It's right next to the coffee shop!' I strugged, fitting one hand into my pocket and fiddling with my empty bottle.

'I dunno. Who goes to the park?' Calum laughed at my answer, spreading his hands out and gesturing to the people near by us.

'Dog walkers, joggers, um, children! And, and us!' I shook my head and stopped pushing him to look around. There was only an old lady who fell asleep and a man reading his newspaper.

'Oh yeah, so many people Calum. I think that lady over there is homeless and look at that slide, it looks more like a cheese grater than a kid's toy.'

'The park is fun.' He insisted, slamming his fist softly against the arm rest. 'People forget about nature and that's kinda bad.'

'Kinda bad,' I laughed, watching Calum's neck get tinted red, at his choice of words. 'You're so poetic Calum. Just never take our children here.' Calum's neck went even darker and stopped laughing and I wondered why, it was only a joke. Was he embarrassed? Uncomfortable? Disgusted by the thought of marrying me? It wasn't fun when he didn't joke along.

'You wish you could get married to me! Now push me.' I let out a small breath, relieved.

We went deeper into the park, branches slapping our faces and me laughing when Calum got hit on the cheek. He looked up at me and pouted, a red mark set across his cheek. My hand slipped off the handles of his wheelchair that I had been gripping and let it slowly make its way to his cheek, the heel of my palm resting against his jaw. The pad of my thumb went shakily against the raw skin, rubbing gently, his whole face going red to match. We stood there for a whole 7 seconds (I had counted, it made me calm down the whole situation was making my mind cloudy) and my thumb moved in a pattern, watching Calum go drowsy in my palm.

'Stop it,' He whispered finally, his lips just grazing my wrist, 'You're making me fall asleep.'

I nodded, not taking in his words. Eight elephant, nine elephant, ten eleph-

'Come on, we'll be late.' His lips touched my skin again, he was lazily smiling. I took my hand away, examining it, still feeling the curve of his jaw pressed against me. Calum was moving, his hands at his wheels and I walked to catch up with him, my head tucked down, grinning to myself. I rested my hands back on the handles again, pushing Calum. We were moving silently, just letting the leaves crumple underneath until a new sound came into earshot, making us both look around. A woman was standing near a grave, lots of graves actually, which made me realise that it was a graveyard. She was looking down at one in particular, a spotless white arch with gold lettering. It looked new. I frowned a bit, sorry for her.

I had completely forgotten about Calum until he visibly stiffened next to me. His eyes wandered off into the graveyard, jaw set and something complex spread across his forehead, something I didn't recognise, a feature that... frightened me. I leant forward, my hand brushing the back of his neck. He tipped his head slightly, I was nearly cradling him in my hand, a temporary headrest.

'Let's go.' He said, voice thick and layered, 'I want to go.' The last bit was just a whisper, it wasn't suppose to be there, it slipped and he closed his eyes, swallowing.

I returned to pushing him, deciding not to question, it wasn't the time.

We finally crossed the park, we were delayed when I tried to push Calum into the duck pond to make him laugh, and we were strolling down the street. Calum's hand reached up and rested his hand on mine, gesturing for me to stop. I stared at our hands for a second, before following his eyes to a shop opposite the pavement we were ambling on. It was squeezed in between a hipster bookshop and a door to some flats.

'Is this it?' I whispered, bending down a little closer so my cold breath hit against his ear. He didn't reply and his hands went to his wheels, rolling off the pavement with a bump and crossing the road. I took one last look, reading a sign sat above the misted glass. It was read in spidery handwriting, like it had been scrawled instead of printed by machine.   
'Cake Records.'  
I drew back my glance, looking both ways and scuttered across towards him. Calum moved up the ramp, flicking out a key. The lock was sticky and I took over, using my hip to put my weight against it.

'I own this.' Calum nodded, entering and stopping at the centre of the room. It was dusty, yellowed sheets spread over cases. I circled around the room, feeling his eyes linger over me. I brushed against a table, letting dust fall down in patterns, like sad snowflakes. The room felt small but cozy and comfortable. It felt like Calum, but with a little extra something mixed in along side it. My fingers fumbled against a cloth, pulling the sheath off, letting it reveal bunches of records, propped against each over, tucked in snug. I pulled one out, blowing over the covered title.  
'Dirty Work - All Time Low.'  
I smiled, looking up at a fond Calum.  
'I love this album.'  
'Shall we play it then?' He pulled off another cloth, a gramophone peeking out. I smiled, crossing the room, my footsteps filling the quiet that had settled around us. I slotted it out and placed it down on the turntable, letting the needle latch down. It was a modern one so I pressed a few buttons, which looked terribly out of place against the dark wood, stepping back and turning to face Calum as the song started.  
'I would ask you to dance, but this.' Calum let his hands fall onto his wheelchair. I walked behind him, rotating him on the spot, moving the wheelchair in a square shape.  
'Are you making me dance?' He laughed, moving his hand to join my starfished one.  
'That's the plan.' I mumbled, waltzing around with a hand twisted with mine, a blush on my shadowed face, at the back of a shut down shop.

***


	8. Part Eight

★written by hannah ★

Songs I recommend listening to when reading this:

Asleep – The Smiths

The World Is Ugly – My Chemical Romance

Lullabies – All Time Low

The Light Behind Your Eyes – My Chemical Romance.

Calum POV

I'll give you one more time  
We'll give you one more fight  
Said one more line  
Be a riot, cause I know you

-Robbers, The 1975

I looked up at Michael as he guided me around the small record shop, his hand intertwined with mine. We were supposed to be dancing but I just felt really stupid, I know Michael meant well and to be honest, it was so cute. I just felt so incapable. I let my thoughts drift away and I looked back at him as he smiled at his feet.

Michael scared me, to put it blatantly. Only a matter of days ago he waltzed into my life with words made of silk and eyes that could melt candles with their warmth. He talks to me like he's known me for decades and touches me like we're married.

'A daydream away' finished playing and the next track rung through the desolate record store. I suddenly became aware of where I was and my head whirled around the dimly light shop. I looked from corner to corner and I just pictured him, his laugh and the way we'd dance while ordering records all flashed before my eyes. I quickly pulled my hands away from Michael's, wheeling myself a good feet back.

“What's the matter? Did I do something?” Michael said, concern flooding his expression. He approached me like I was some wild animal that may lash out at any time, maybe I was.

“It's just, here.” I said glancing around the walls, blue-tack marks from where various posters once hung of my favourite bands, our favourite bands.

“Yeah, I like it here. Are you going to sell the place? I really like it, especially the name, you must really like cake to name your record shop after it.” Michael said in such a chirpy way; I let out a dull laugh.

“It's not after the name it's after..I said I'd tell you, didn't I? Y-yeah I did.” I let the jumbled sentences fall around me and glanced to the floor. I couldn't tell Michael everything, I just couldn't. It's like running up to a stranger and shouting:

“HEY WANNA TALK ABOUT MY DEAD BESTFRIEND?” I barely know Michael, it would be strange, so strange.

“Tell me Calum, tell me everything.” he said it in such a warm way that I melted. I told him everything.

~ flashback to six months ago ~

I swear if Luke doesn't get up and open the store with me soon, I'm going to pry him from Ashton's arms and kick his ass into next week. I've been knocking on Luke's bedroom door for a solid ten minutes but all I can hear is him and Ashton's soft snores. The record store's already half an hour late for opening time, I'm going to break this door down in a second.

“Luke Hemmings I swear to Lucifer, if you don't fucking open this door in the next five seconds I will – I will – I don't know what I'll do but I promise you it isn't good.” I said to the closed mahogany door. A couple of minutes later a dishevelled Luke appeared, massaging a fresh looking love bit on his neck, typical.

“Stop shouting, my head hurts.” Luke winged, leaning his head on the door frame.

“I'm so sorry princess, you can let your boyfriend go to the all you can eat buffet on your neck later but we have a business to run.” I said grabbing his wrist and pulling him in the direction of the kitchen.

“I have a cold Calum, I don't want to go.” Luke whined like a kid, plopping down on a kitchen chair while I sifted through the cupboards in search of some cereal.

“Oh dear not a cold!” I said, my tone thick with sarcasm. I set a bowl of lucky charms in front of Luke as a tired Ashton emerged from the bedroom, in just his boxers.

“And here comes the sex god of the century Mr. Irwin,as much as I love hearing the sound of you two breaking the bed at 3am, I need Luke for the business we run, it's kind of big deal.” I said, placing one hand on my hip as I walked over to Ashton.

“God, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Ashton said narrowing his eyes at me before walking past me to Luke and pecking him on the lips, gross.

“Ash, don't kiss me I'm ill.” Luke said, dragging out the l's in ill.

“Awh, babe, you should stay home today.” Ash said, taking the seat next to Luke and pressing the back of his hand to his forehead.

“Oh no! Luke has a cold everyone I think he's dying, let's get him to the hospital quick!” I said, faking panic and waving my hands around.

“Fine, moody pants I'll go to work with you.” Luke said pushing his bowl away from him and going to the bathroom.

“THANK YOU LORD JESUS.” I said, exasperated.

I was leant against the front door, scrolling through my phone, absent mindedly as Ashton and Luke said their goodbyes, yes, it really took that long.

“You'll see me in a couple of hours.”

“Yeah, I know but I really don't want you to goooo.”

“I have to Ash, it's my job.”

“But you're ill.”

“I'm fine.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I'll see you later, love you Ashton.”

“Love you Luke.”

They kissed for a good two minutes before I was able to walk out of the flat with Luke at my heels.

“Listen dude, I'm sorry I got all uptight about you coming to work, I know you're ill and you want to spend time with Ash it's j -”

“It's fine Calum, honestly I shouldn't be a wimp, it's only work, it's not going to kill me.” Luke said, giving my shoulder a reassuring pat. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding and continued to walk in the direction of our record shop 'Cake Records'.

Once we got there I put on 'Never Mind the Bullocks' by the Sex Pistols and continued to shift through various crates of vinyl, sorting them alphabetically. I occasionally talked to Luke and any customers that came in, of course. Everything was going great as I sang obnoxiously loud and Luke laughed at me.

That's when everything froze. The door burst open came in men with ski masks on, guns held firmly in their grip. Their expressions were angry even through the masks. I let the record I was holding smash to the floor, along with my jaw.

“Get on the floor! Both of you!” They ordered. Everything was in slow motion I was shaking too much, my heart was going to break through my rib cage.

I kept my eyes on Luke the whole time as we knelt on the floor with our hands above our heads, guns pointed to the back of us. I watched as they turned the shop upside down and it felt like my world was going with it. Crates upon crates of records were tipped everywhere as they stole the ones they thought were worth of value. I watched with my tear ridden eyes as they shoved the contents of the cash register into a dufle bag.

Everything was going painfully slowly and silently. I could hear the blood rushing through my veins and the tears breaking my throat. I thought they were almost done when the worst I could possibly feared happened.

They picked up a record, hand signed by Green Day. Ashton had gotten Luke it for their 3 month anniversary while we were still in High School, I remember Ashton telling me how much he had to pay for it in an auction.

“HEY! Don't touch that, turn this place upside down but put that down.” Luke spoke, fear slicing through his voice. One of the masked men stood before Luke, peering down his nose at him.

“And what are you going to do about it, pretty boy?” The man spat, his eyes piercing through the ski mask and into Luke's skull. Luke lunged for the record and that's when I heard it, saw it.

 

Bang.

 

My world stopped, I jumped for Luke as the bullet entered his head, his body fell lifelessly to the floor, a thud rang through the shop.

“LUKE.” I let out a strangled scream and just as I finished another gun shot was heard but this time it hit me. I let out a blood curdling scream as my legs agonized me. 

I crashed to the floor next to Luke and tried to shake him and make him give me any sign of life. I couldn't move anything below my hips so I just did what anyone would do in my situation, I cried.

Luke laid next to me, what hurt me most is that he just looked asleep. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes fluttered shut, his hair flopped across his forehead and his arms pressed against the floor.

“I'm s-sorry L-luke.” I said between sobs, the robbers had left now and we were left on the shop floor. I struggled to pull myself across the floor, propping myself up on my elbows and reaching for Luke's hand, I eventually got it and rubbed circles against it with my thumb. I continued down until I was holding his wrist and my breath hitched when I felt no pulse, nothing.

“You should of stayed home Luke, god why did you listen to me, you should of stayed home.” I said before I stopped fighting for conscious and let myself go, falling to the ground once again, Luke's hand still in mine.

~flashback over~

“And that's how I lost my best friend.” I said to Michael.


	9. Part Nine

★ written by ellie ★

It says home is where your heart is

But what a shame

'Cause everyone's heart

Doesn't beat the same

It's beating out of time

Jesus Of Suburbia - Green Day

Ashton's POV

I held the shard of vinyl in my hand, the sharp edge scratching lightly on my stubble. I left my finger go over the signed signature slowly. I sank into the duvet, closing my eyes and smiling. Just remembering how he felt when I gave it to him, I just knew he was the one. I heard Calum knock on the door, it was unlocked, I didn't bother to hide my tears.

'Hey Ash - oh.' I heard another footstep, hearing the stranger change from foot to foot. I shot up, clutching the duvet in angry fists, like imaginary throats.

'Calum,' I trembled, I couldn't believe him. 'Is he back?'

'What?' We blinked at each other and a sudden realisation flushed over me. I let my eyes land onto this stranger, his red hair and matching cheeks. Not Luke.

'How could you?' I shrieked, clumsily kicking, 'Did you think it was all some FUCKING JOKE?' Calum wheeled in closer, trying to grab my legs.

'Ashton no, no,' His fingers wrapped around my ankles, but I kept kicking, I wanted to get out of this poisonous feeling. After a while I stopped, slumping down onto Calum's hands. 'This is Michael.' I watched Calum look at him, a small smile played across his lips. Luke used to look at me like that. Calum reached out, stroking my hair.

'It's okay Ashton,' he rested his hand on my arm, patting gently, 'I've got you and you've got me.' I shook my head, looking back and forward between Calum and Michael. No I didn't. Not anymore.

***

Michael's POV

Calum looked so used to Ashton acting like this. He peeled himself away from Ashton, he was sleeping, and smiled at me.

'I'm sorry,' he said, closing the door behind him, 'This is kinda normal. I've had my share of breakdowns too.' I reached out, finding his hand and clasping it.

'You don't deserve that.' I whispered gently, Calum was looking at our laced hands.

'Luke didn't deserve it too,' he mumbled, before looking back up at me. 'Maybe you should meet Ashton later, when he's happier.' We went into the kitchen, me behind Calum. I walked into the joint living room, clusters of records sat everywhere, dotted randomly around.

'Hey! Make me some coffee!' Calum giggled, poking me from behind. I rolled my eyes, making my way to the kitchen.

'Black coffee?' I called, finding a mug and opening a few drawers.

'Black coffee.' He replied. I laughed and turned on the kettle, soon finishing the coffee.

'Maybe black coffee will be our always.' I turned to face him, setting down the mug on the coffee table. I ignored the sofa and started walking around, looking at the records, some hidden around movies in bookshelves and cardboard boxes. I finally found 'The Fault In Our Stars' and threw it at Calum's lap, gesturing for us to watch it. I sat down on the sofa uncomfortably. Calum started putting the CD in and choosing the menu, the little click of the remote as he pressed buttons. I swallowed awkwardly, I wanted to sit next to him and cuddle him, but I couldn't. As the movie started I walked in front of Calum, blocking his view. I put my arm under his legs and around his back, pulling him out of his chair. He smiled when he realised what I was doing and I tucked a blanket around us, going closer to him. We sat there for a while, Calum started talking about how he wanted to reopen the record shop one day.

'I don't know what to do with the records, but I just don't think Ashton is ready for that. He's barely keeping his job anyway.' His hand shifted under the blanket a little, resting his palm on my thigh. I flinched a little, memories stinging back.

'What's wrong?' Calum asked, moving his hand up and down, trying to assure me. It felt like déjà vu and it scared me, so I hurriedly picked up his hand in mine.

'Nothing, nothing.' I smiled weakly, bringing his hand up to meet my lips.

***


	10. Part Ten

I'll show you mine if you if you show me yours first,

Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse.

Let's un-write these pages and replace them with our own words.

Swing Life Away – Rise Against.

Calum POV

“Michael, I'm sorry I shouldn't of – It's all too soon.” I said, quickly removing my hand from his thigh like it was 100 degrees hot. What was I thinking? I've know Michael for what; a week? My mind is clouded with every little thing he does and I thought it was okay to act like this but his expression looked so scared, so hurt.

“It's fine Calum just wasn't expecting it, that's all.” Michael said, offering me a weak smile as he shuffled uncomfortably under my gaze. He diverted his attention back to the film.

I glanced at the gap that was between us and tried to focus on the movie but I kept stealing glances at Michael. He obviously clocked that I was staring at him and spun around to face me in one swift moment.

“I just don't like being touched there okay, Calum? It's not that hard to understand.” He said his voice stabbing me slightly. I took a sharp intake of breath and stopped looking at him. Wow, look who's fucked up again. We continued in deafening silence, eyes glued on the tv as Augustus and Hazel's love story folded out before us at the same time any hope of mine crumbled around me. 

"I'm sorry Mich -"

"Forget it Calum, I can't - I'm leaving bye." And with that Michael left the apartment. I threw my head against the back of the sofa and dug my fists into my eyes, letting out a frustrated scream. 

******

It's been a week since I last spoke or saw Michael and I'm just trying to forget about it, I've been spending more time at the park and avoiding the coffee shop like the plague. Ashton's been noticing me moping around in my bedroom, wallowing in self-pity but he hasn't dared to speak a word about it to me. I looked across the table where Ash sat, stabbing cornflakes with his spoon. I've been avoiding it for too long and I'm craving black coffee so I decided to take action. 

"Ashton can we go to the coffee shop?" I asked. 

"Yeah sure I can drop you - " 

"No, no Ash can you like go the coffee shop with me." 

"Oh - Oh, yeah sure Cal." 

*****

As Ashton helped to wheel me up the ramp to the coffee shop I pushed open the door and gave Sarah, the barista a half-hearted wave and pulled myself up to the usual table. I ordered Ashton and I two black coffees and before I could say anything, he spoke.

"I'm sorry about the other day, I shouldn't have broken down like that in front of your friend, Michael - is that his name? Yeah, um. Its just - I keep thinking, hoping this is all some sick, twisted dream and I'll just wake up and Luke will be there offering me sleepy lip ring infused smiles and it'll all be okay again. But it's not and god I'm so close to joining him some days, so close Calum, so close. I'm staying here for you I promise, I won't leave your side ever, ever." Ashton said, his eyes threating to cloud over with misty tears. He looked so open, so vunerable like his rib cage was open and his heart was about to fall out into his coffee. 

"Ash you should see someone, you can't feel like this forever. Talk to someone please?" I said offering him a lukewarm smile. He didn't look up to meet my eyes, he pulled his sweater sleeves over his hands and picked up his mug, staring blankly at the table as he sipped.

"I'll think about it. I will, I'm okay for now but in a couple of weeks if I feel no better, I'll see someone." Ash said, still not meeting my eyes as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. I nodded weakly as we sat in silence drinking black coffee.

The barista, Sarah, came over and didn't even clock Ashton's presence as she stood before me, hand on hip. She paused slightly before laying her question before me.

"Have you seen Michael lately? He hasn't turned up for work in a week and usually I'd be pissed off but that guy, there was something not right about him and I'm worried. Have you spoken?" She asked, eyes still dead on me. My breath hitched slightly as my mind casted back to that night with him watching The Fault in Our Stars.

"We're not exactly - on the best of terms?" I said trying to work out what exactly had happened that night.

"Oh you two had a little domestic?" Sarah said placing a slender hand still placed on her hip. I almost choked on my coffee.

"Domestic? We're not - Nooo." I replied shaking my head vigorously.

"Whatever you say, honey." Sarah finished before walking back behind the counter.

"That was interesting to say the least." Ashton finally spoke. I let out a long sigh. "If you and Michael aren't on the 'best of terms' you should speak to him, Cal. I know you've only known him a matter of weeks but you two seem to really like each other. Maybe not in a love kind of way but you both need friends right now, it's obvious." 

"I guess you're right." I mumbled massaging my temples. "But how am I meant to find him? He won't turn up to work and god knows where he lives." 

"Actually, I could find out where he lives quite easily." Ashton said, I gave him a puzzled look.

"Hey, hear me out! A guy at the corner shop I work at knows him, Michael comes in a lot and talks to him. I'm sure he'll know where he lives. I'll print you out some directions or something." Ashton said, I let out the first genuine smile I seemed to have produced in a week. 

"Thank you Ash, really." We continued to drink black coffee for another 2 hours. 

****

The next morning, I followed the directions Ashton had printed off for me and eventually found Michael's place. It was a dingy council estate on the east side of London, great.

I wheeled myself to the elevator praying not to get mugged by some thug on the way up. The elevator was covered in faded graffiti and there was a suspicious wift of something coming from a yellow patch of liquid in the corner. I kept my eyes straight on the lift doors until they finally opened after what felt like centuries.

I wheeled myself out of the lift like my life depended on it and continued down the unfortunately painted beige corridor.

23 .. 24... 25 I stopped at what I was told is Michael's apartment.

I knocked a couple of times and sat there twiddling my thumbs waiting for a response. Seconds, minutes passed so I knocked again, a little harder. Maybe he didn't hear?

"Not now, Calum." I heard Michael shout from inside, his speech slightly slurred.

"Why not? Michael are you okay?" I asked a worried tone gracing my words as I wheeled myself closer to the door so I could hear inside.

"Nonono - fine I'm just- busy god Calum what do you think I do - just drink black coffee and paint strangers like a pedophile?" I heard him let out a dull laugh at his 'joke'.

"Pedophile? Where did that come from?" I said my eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He didn't talk to me for another minute or so despite my continued knocking.

"If you don't let me in soon I swear, I'll bust the door down." I said trying my best to fake anger.

"Oooo I'm scared!" Michael said sarcasm drowning his words. "No Calum please don-" he was cut off by choking and spluttering noises escaping his mouth, followed by a dull thud.

"Michael? Michael talk to me please?" I said banging on the door furiously. I wheeled my chair back and slammed into the door repeatedly until it came loose and opened. I wheeled myself in and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me.

"No - Not- I can't, Michael speak to me. Michael?"


	11. Part Eleven

★ written by ellie ★

Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

I Miss You - blink-182

Michael's POV

I grabbed my coat, rushing out as quickly as I could, not bothering to say anything to Calum. I walked shakily across the road, nearly missing a car. The flashing lights zoomed past me, my breath completely lost. I observed my surroundings, seeing the neon lights of a corner shop. I rushed in, feeling so desperate. I slammed money on the counter, asking for whatever they had, anything to give me that feeling I so longed.

I finally got home, swinging open the door and letting it slam behind me. I could feel my thigh burning, even though Calum had only touched it an hour ago. I sat on the edge of my bed, letting the bottle fall out of my hand, shattering on the floor. The glass spread everywhere, pointing up and glistening. I knew the glass had made an awful noise but it seemed to go in slow motion, almost silently. I pushed it away from my feet, clustering them together around my phone. It lit up, seeing Calum's contact name flash violently.

I unbuttoned my jeans, shakily sliding them down my legs. I let them rest at my knees, looking at the thigh Calum has touched. I drew my eyes to the other one, the scar spreading up and clashing against my skin. It was so long, so deep, so many stitches.

So many memories.

'It'll be fun. Come on, sugar what are you waiting for?' I screwed my eyes shut, clasping my jeans, pushing back the flashback in my mind. I let my eyes look around the room, trying to stay focused.

My phone caught my eye again, looking at Calum's urgent missed calls. Calum wouldn't be like that, Calum cared. Would he? I fisted my phone angrily, slamming against the wall, feeling it smash into my hands. I let my bleeding hand down, still holding the phone, dropping it carelessly next to the glass. It was forming a small constellation across the floor. I kicked off my jeans, padding to the kitchen. Flinging open cupboards and pushing everything aside, I found more bottles, more alcohol. I made my way back to the bedroom, catching myself in the mirror. God, I was so tired, so tired of everything. I stared angrily back at the reflection, watching myself drink. I returned to the bed, leaning back and sipping. It felt like I was breathing it in, so happily. I craved more, drinking so fast, choking on my excitement.

'Michael, you're a fucking wimp. Just because you're tired.' The memory spat, I curled closer into myself. Just keep drinking, drinking makes him shut up. Everything was getting blurry, even the words he was screaming was floating around. I couldn't see anything, sticking my hands out wildly to fist at something.

'Hey Sugar.' The voice said, smirking. I whimpered, cowering into myself.

'What do you want?' I whispered, trying to crawl away. He kicked my stomach, making myself fall flat on the ground. 'Come on, don't be like that!' He growled from behind me. The hands found mine, trying to pull me closer to him.

'Michael wake up,' He never used my real name, I thought, frowning. 'Fine, if you won't wake up here, I'll do it in the hospital.' The hand trailed down, hooking onto an drip slotted into my arm, how did it get there? He pulled it harshly, blood gushing out. I screamed, fumbling my hand back into my chest, the blackness turning into a peeling, cream ceiling.

The screaming had faded away and I turned my gaze to my arm, running finger down it. There was a drip there, untouched. I looked across the room, seeing a familiar jumble of limbs in a blue seat.

'Calum?' I croaked out.


	12. Part Twelve

★ written by hannah ★

You wanted me when I was running away,

I needed you when I ripped your heart out, 

I can't count the times we fell apart,

We can't go back it's not the same. 

\- Dead, Real Friends

Calum's POV

"Calum?" I heard someone speak, my head jerked up and I was met with Michael's tear flooded eyes. I shifted myself from the cold plastic chair to my wheelchair and moved in until I was as close to the bed as I could be. 

"Michael you're awake." I said trying to hide the cracks in my voice as I offered Michael the best smile I could muster. 

"I-I what happened Calum? I'm in hospital and there's wires. Is he here? Was it a dream? Calum I'm scared." I'd never seen Michael like this before he was so vunerable and weak, it was frightening. I watched as his head darted around the room his eyes round, resembling a puppy's.

"Hey, hey it's okay Mikey you're okay, I'm here you just drank a lot of alcohol and you'll be fine, just fine." I said, rubbing his forearm.

"I drank too much? But I've drank too much before and I never ended up in hospital." He said raising his eyebrows in shock.

"Well I guess you choking on your own vomit didn't help the situation, you're so so lucky you didn't die, Mikey. I thought you had and - just don't ever, ever do that to me again." I said sending metaphorical knives at him with my eyes.

"Oh for crying out loud, Calum like you'd miss me at all. You've known me two weeks and I ignored you for half of it." He said turning his head away like he was disgusted. It took me a moment to process what he said.

"Oh, I wouldn't care? Do you think I pulled your unconscious body onto my wheelchair with me and took you out of your apartment because I don't care?" I said, trying not to get angry but the fire starting in the pits of my stomach wasn't agreeing with me.

"Oh I didn't know -"

"Yeah you didn't know, Mikey. You can say a lot of things about me but you can't say for one second that I don't care." I shook my head, pushing myself away from Michael's bedside and turning towards the door before he interjected.

"Do you know why I drank myself stupid Calum?" I didn't reply. "After our argument I felt so, so angry at myself that I drank it all away. I watched my worries wash away with the whiskey I was downing because I thought I didn't need you. I was perfectly lonely and all it took was a week and too many cups of black coffee for you to almost change that."

I sat frozen in my chair, he was here because of me. I felt everything to fuzz over slightly so I backed out the room ever so slowly.

"I'm - I'm going to go." I just about mumbled.

"No Cal plea -"

"I'll see you later."

I pulled back a curtain to find Ashton sat on a hard plastic chair absent-mindedly drumming his fingers against his leg.

"Is everything alright Cal? Is Mikey holding up okay?" Ashton spoke.

"Can we go? I don't like hospitals." I said simply.

"No, of course you don't; I'll take you home right away." Ash said not wasting anytime placing his hands on the wheelchair handles and pushing me out of the emergency rooms. I placed my hands over my eyes as I faced my head towards my lap as we passed where he had died.

"Is that where -"

"Yeah, it is." I said.

"Wow, I'd hoped I'd never have to see it again. I remember it vividly enough as it is."

"The feeling's mutual."

*********

It was a couple hours later and I was sat in an old American-style diner with Ash. He wasn't saying much, I wasn't saying much. It was definitely not comfortable silence.

"Why did you want to leave the hospital so suddenly today? It can't be because you hate hospitals, you have to go there every three weeks for therapy and check-ups anyway." Ashton said, like he'd been holding it in before he started drumming his fingers once again.

"Michael told me I was the reason he drank himself into oblivion." I said bluntly.

"What? He can't just lay that guilt upon you, that's not right." Ash said a look of pure disbelief masked his face.

"Well, I guess he can." I shrugged biting into a french fry.

Ashton was about to speak but my phone's ringtone stopped him dead in his tracks. I saw the caller ID said Michael and I answered quickly despite of everything.

"Hello?"

"Calum you have to come now, he's here. He's come back for me."


	13. Part Thirteen

★ written by hannah ★

They taped over your mouth,

Scribbled out the truth with their lies,

You little spies.

\- crushcrushcrush, Paramore.

Michael's POV

I shakily put the phone down as I stared at the curtain before me waiting for him to return. My head was in a kaleidoscope of confusion and horror and I couldn't stand it.

"Hey sweet cheeks got ourselves into a little situation have we? It's okay, I'm here to make it all better."

I shuddered at the memory of him only half an hour ago. I hoped, I prayed, that Calum would be here in a matter of minutes to save me from this hell inspired reality I'd fallen into.

I was yanked away from my thoughts as the curtain to my room was pulled harshly open. I gulped.

"There's no need to look at me like that now, is there? Aren't you pleased to see me?" He said so swiftly before placing himself at the foot of my bed.

"N-no, why would I want you here Isaac?" I choked out, immediately regretting it.

I watched his smug expression fall before he raised his hand and let it collide with my face, leaving a stabbing pain in my left cheek.

"Don't be a little bitch, Michael. I came here to look after you and you're going to be fucking pleased about it." Isaac spat angrily, still keeping his voice low so no one else could hear.

"Y-yes I'm pleased." I said, looking at the hospital sheets because I couldn't meet the look on his face.

"Good, so how have you been? Obviously not the best considering you're in hospital getting your stomach pumped but we'll overlook that." Isaac said so chirpily that it made me sick.

"F-fine I guess I-" I was cut off by his tan hand gently caressing my cheek and jawline. The pit in my stomach increased in size because his tan hand reminded me of Calum's. I remembered when I had stroked his cheek like that in the park and I felt like crying.

"I'm sorry for the slap Mikey but you're still such an annoying twat sometimes." He said with a dull laugh before (thankfully) removing his hand from my cheek.

"I don't - how did you know I was here?" I said trying to keep my voice from cracking and failing to do so.

"Went into a shitty coffee shop, started talking to the shitty barista, found out you work at said, shitty coffee shop, asked about you. Found out you landed your shitty self in a shitty hospital." He said with such hatred it made my stomach churn.

"You talked to Sarah about me?"

"Bless shitty barista has a name! Has Mikey got a little crush?" Isaac cooed at me, getting even more into my personal space than I thought was even physically possible.

"N-no why would I?-"

"Exactly." He said smirking before standing up and straightening up his duffle coat and long scarf.

"Listen babe, I have a date in 5 with a hottie I met at the gym, this has been a pleasure as always."

"A date? I thought you said-"

"I said I'm here to look after you honey, not here to fuck you." Isaac said before harshly pulling my head towards his lips and whispering in my ear.

"But you're still my bitch and no one can touch you, you understand? I'll be back tomorrow." He growled in my ear before pressing a hard kiss on my cheek.

I said nothing as he strode out the hospital room, like nothing had happened.

I let what had just happened sink in before I let out dry sobs. I pressed my fists into my eye sockets trying to drown out any memory of him. Calum, Calum, he'll be here soon, he makes everything okay.

Calum makes everything okay.

I took to staring at the horrid hospital curtain intently for 15 minutes before the familiar sound of subtle squeaking from a wheelchair arose.

"Michael? What's up? Who's here for you?" Calum spoke as he entered the room, wasting no time in asking me questions.

"But, you're still my bitch and no one can touch you, you understand?" His voice echoed in my head and I couldn't tell Calum about Isaac, I just couldn't.

"I- uh I think I had a nightmare while I was all hyped up on that wacky gas the doctors give you, I'm really sorry if I scared you." I let the lies pour out and the guilt start to eat my insides.

"Oh, thank god. Ashton and I got here assuming the worst, I'm so glad you're okay." Calum smiled, rubbing my arm gently.

"Yeah, I'm glad I'm okay too."


	14. Part Fourteen

My imperfections, you let them mean nothing.

I'd have done the same with yours, if you had any.

Just because I'm a mess doesn't mean this has to end.

I deem it certainly that you'll never find such love again.

\- Your Life Over Mine, Bribry.

Calum POV

It's been two weeks since Michael was discharged from hospital and we've been quite happy. We've spent quite a lot of time at the coffee shop but Sarah refuses to let Michael work again, at least for now.

We've had multiple movie nights and even Ashton joined us in one last week, which is a miracle on earth. We were now sat on the sofa my legs swung over Michael's lap, my head against the arm rest of the sofa as we ate last night's pizza for lunch.

"I'm so happy that you're out of hospital, I missed this." I said smiling towards the celling. 

"You missed eating cold pizza?" 

"I missed you, stupid." I said, trying to crain my neck up to make eye contact with Mikey. I was a big believer in eye contact, it made sure I got my point across. 

"Oh how you make me blush." Michael said, faking flattery. He pulled me up by my arms and sat me against the sofa's arm rest so I was facing him. 

I looked over at Michael as he removed the mushrooms from his pizza in a disapproving manner.

"Michael, what are we doing here?" I ask, seemingly out of the blue but it had been playing on my mind for a while.

"We're eating pizza, Calum." Michael replied not removing his eyes from the tv screen.

"Yeah, alright smart ass, don't avoid the question." I said, prodding him in the arm.

"Didn't avoid the question, I simply answered it." He said. I clasped his jaw and pulled his head around so his eyes could meet mine, he looked quite scared by the action so I quickly removed my hand.

"Michael, what are we."

He pondered for a minute before speaking.

"Whatever you want us to be."

"That's a shit answer Mikey." I replied resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

"Well are you happy?" I nodded in response. "Then who the hell cares what 'we' are, Cal." He smiled sweetly before we continued to eat cold pizza in content silence.

Ashton POV

"Sarah oh my god, you can't make jokes like that." I said shaking my head slightly but laughing all the same.

"So what? No one's around to hear it." She said, waving her hand dismissively.

I had spent the last few weeks with Sarah in the coffee shop when I came looking for Cal and Mikey and instead found her crying over a broken tea cup on the floor. Her boyfriend had just dumped her and she needed someone to confine in. We were both missing a boyfriend so, we had one thing in common.

"I can't believe we became friends because you found me in a bumbling mess surrounded by broken china on the floor." Sarah spoke, sipping her coffee.

"That's pretty poetic, you should write a song out of it." I said.

"Hm yeah, no thanks." She said, raising an eyebrow at me.

We carried on talking this way into the early hours of the morning.

Calum POV

"You've never kissed a girl?" I said, completely astonished by what Michael was telling me. It was 2am as we led on the kitchen floor, playing 'never have I ever' with nutella covered strawberries instead of alcohol, of course.

"No, Calum I've never kissed a girl." Mikey said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Like, not even in high school? Did just know you were gay from day one?"

"Yep." 

"Well that's alright for you, I lost my virginity to a girl." I said, cringing slightly at the memory. 

"Ew gross, straight sex." Mikey said wrinkling his nose slightly.

"Alright, alright. Ok, next one. Never have I ever been involved in weird kinky sex." I said. I watched as Michael hesitantly reached for a strawberry, my jaw wide open in shock.

"Care to explain?" I said, intrigued.

"Maybe another day." Michael said, plopping the strawberry in his mouth before shuffling uncomfortably on the cold kitchen floor.

"My back hurts, I don't want to play this game anymore." He winged, sitting himself up.

"Your back hurts?" I said gesturing at my wheelchair that sat in the corner of the room.

"Oh shit sorry." He said, covering his mouth.

"I'll forgive you this time, now help me up." I whined like a kid, making grabby hands at him. 

Michael wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me up so I was sat facing him. He had to keep his hands around my waist or I'd fall back down to the floor like a baby.

We were sat in silence for a while and I watched as Michael's eyes flicked down to my lips.

"Never have I ever, kissed a boy with red hair." I whispered, only inches away fron his face.

"Is that so?" Mikey said letting out a soft giggle.

"Yeah and I really want a chocolate strawberry." I said dragging out the l's in really.

"You're the king of subtle hints."

"Oh I'm quite aware." I said before my breath hitched as Mikey's lips met mine.

I tightened my hands around his waist as we moved our lips in sync. It wasn't fast and needy it was so soft and full of feeling. I let myself get engulfed in the feeling of kissing him, everything felt warm and bright like a mellow sunrise. It sounds cliche but I guess, it was. I almost whimpered when Mikey pulled away. Neither of us said anything.

"I don't think you need a chocolate strawberry now." I finally spoke. 

"More time for me to do this." Michael replied before reconnecting our lips.


	15. Part Fifteen

Don't tell me that they're all the same, 

'Cause even the sound of his name

Carries me over their reach

Back to some golden beach

Where only he remains. 

\- Ooo, Karen-o

Ashton POV

Everything was a kaleidoscope of whiskey, smoke and regret. I stumbled onto the sidewalk and it was spinning, everything was spinning. I let myself drop to the chewing gum and dirt ridden concrete and grasped pieces of my wispy hair between my fingers and dug my head into my knees. 

"I'm so sorry Luke, I didn't mean to. It meant nothing, it was a spur of the moment thing I still love you more than anything on this planet Luke, please say you forgive me." I said staring into a star scattered sky. 

I watched as hundreds of vehicles went past in a blur of pollution and red light, sobbing quietly. The scenes that had just happened in the rooms above the coffee shop spun around my head and I let them eat at me because I deserved it, I deserved every fucking second of it. I'd betrayed Luke, myself and, god, what would Calum think? I hit my self in the forehead multiple times and let out a frustrated scream, muffled by the denim of my jeans. 

"I'm sorry Luke, I'm sorry Luke, I'm sorry Luke,"

Calum POV

"Michael." There was no response from the bump in the duvet next to me. 

"Michael." I said slightly louder, silence followed. I tapped against the mattress which I laid upon out of annoyance. 

"MICHAEL FUCKING CLIFFORD." I shouted. With that, the duvet monster shot up, alert and spun around to face me. 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MAD MAN." He exclaimed, his eyes wide, I took in everything about him his head which was engulphed in firey red hair that shot up at all angles the way his eyebrow piercing was skeewiff from a night's sleep. He was so pretty.

"I'm hungry and I can't really get up on my own so, up." I demanded. 

"Why should I help you up?"

"Because you love me." I said dragging the o's out in love so he'd know I'm joking. 

"Not sure about that one at this moment in time." 

"Help me up or I'll punch you in the dick." 

"You're lucky I like you, Calum Hood." With that Michael pulled me up so I was sat up in bed, his hand supporting me from my back. 

"Good morning." He whispered gently and kissed my nose. He had only kissed my nose and forehead since we shared our first kiss around a week ago, it made me less nervous because I was in no shape or form ready to fall for someone.

"I told you to stop doing that, I hate my nose." 

"Your nose is such a stupid thing to hate." Mikey said, raising an eyebrow. 

"You're a stupid thing to hate." I said, folding my arms, like a kid. 

"What are you? Eight years old? Now come on, someone has a hospital appointment to get to."

********* 

It was now 3pm and we were on route to the hospital and took a little detour into the coffee shop, no one can survive a two hour consultant session without black coffee. As we wheeled up the ramp into the shop it was empty apart from Sarah who stood, eyes vacant as her arm moved in a circular motion mopping the worktop. Her hair was scraped back in a loose ponytail and pieces of sandy coloured hair flopped into her face, attempting to hide the black pits beneath her eyes. She looked so sleep deprived and depressed. I remembered when I felt like that and shook my head slightly at the memory.

"Holy shit Sarah, are you okay?" Michael said, pushing me with him so we were closer to the counter. Sarah snapped her head towards us. 

"Oh y-yeah I'm fine, great in fact. Just didn't sleep much last night, two black coffees coming right up."

"You know you can always talk to us both, about anything." Michael says, speaking to Sarah's back as she bustled over a coffee machine. 

"Uh - of course, sure sure." She said not even turning around to look at us. Her hands shook slightly as she poured to black caffeine filled liquid into two mugs. Michael gave me a glance, we decided without words that we would not discuss Sarah without her being there, it just wouldn't feel right.

We drank quickly and we were back out the door in fifteen minutes. I lent against the arm rest of my chair as I watched the wheels run over and crunch the leaves that lay upon the ground as Michael wheeled me down the desolate street. I took a moment to take everything in. Everything's been a blur of late nights watching trashy tv, stealing nose kisses and excessive amounts of black coffee. I spend night after night awake pondering whether I was falling for the boy that lay beside me. I was shot in the heart with cupid's arrow and I was afraid to bleed out because I don't think I have it left in me. The meir prospect of falling for Michael terrified me to the point of no return, I had sworn in that graveyard as I stared at Luke's headstone that I would never feel a thing for anything for anyone, ever again. If I loved Michael, there would be no going back and I'm not ready to feel, never mind love. I had watched Ashton become a shell of a man because of love and I was not ready for it to happen to me, love is never forever and I couldn't let it happen, I couldn't and that was final. 

"Calum were you listening to me?" Michael said tapping my shoulder from behind the wheelchair, plucking me from my cynical thoughts. 

"No, sorry, I was a thousand miles away." I clearly stated, seeing no reason to lie to him. 

"You always are, anyway. What is this hospital appointment about anyway?" 

"Just a check-up, I guess. they said they had some good news for me." I said trying to crane my neck back to see Michael; eye contact is always important. 

"I think we could all use some good news right about now." Michael said, still pushing me, I hummed in response. It was silent for a while before my stomach growled, making Mikey chuckle. 

"Hungry?" 

"Yeah, can we get chinese food after the appointment? 

"Nooo, I don't like chinese." 

"Ugh you really suck." I said folding my arms, he raised an eyebrow but shrugged and continued pushing me. 

We finally got to the hospital and we were waiting in the waiting room. I picked up on the sympathetic glances being thrown my way again and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, I thought these looks would have stopped by now. I tried to avoid any eye contact with anyone in the room, like I said I was a big fan of eye contact, but only necessary eye contact. 

Michael obviously noted how uncomfortable I felt from my shifting eyes and picked up one of my hands from my lap and intertwined our fingers. I smiled softly down at our hands and looked up to see Michael sporting the same smile. 

"Calum Hood, the Doctor will see you now." I quickly retreated my hand away from Micahel's and wheeled myself into the Doctor's office.

It was a fairly normal hospital visit, same old procedure. I did detect Michael's piercing eyes as the Doctor examined my lower back and thighs, I said nothing about it. The Doctor did say that I may be able to have surgery soon to restore at least a bit more of my ability to walk, which is beyond amazing. I could be using just crutches by March next year. 

It was now a couple of hours later and I sat alone outside Ashton and I's apartment, fumbling with my keys. I let the lock on the door click and as I entered I was attacked with an overwhelming scent of whiskey and smoke. 

"Ashton? Oh my god, Ashton are you okay?" I said wheeling myself rapidly over to the rug where Ashton lay, folded into himself clinging to an empty whiskey bottle. 

"Calum I've done something terrible." Ashton said, emotionless. 

"Wh-What did you do, Ashton?" I stammered, afraid to hear what he had to say next. 

"I slept with Sarah."


	16. Part Sixteen

I don’t want to be here anymore,

I know there’s nothing left worth staying for,

Your paradise is something I've endured.

See I don’t think I can fight this anymore. 

\- I don't want to be here anymore, Rise Against. 

Calum POV

"I slept with Sarah."

I didn't reply. I let the lava fueled with fury, hatred and any bad emotion I could muster boil within me before I let it spew all over Ashton.

"That's fucking typical Ashton. Do you know how vuneranle Sarah is? She was just dumped and, oh my god. Are you really that self involved?" I didn't care that I was shouting, all I cared about was making sure Ashton received a piece of my mind.

"As long as Ashton's happy, it's all fine and dandy! As long as you get what you want it's fine. Because you're the only person in this world who's ever experienced grief!"

"Calum I-"

"No, Ashton I'm telling you what I think for once in my god damn life. You take advantage of Sarah, suddenly remember that your boyfriend is buried fucking six feet under the ground, and come here to bathe yourself in a death bath of smoke and alcohol and self pity then I'm suddenly expected to come running to the rescue? Well news flash honey, I can't fucking walk so you need to get a hold of yourself. This has been hard for both us and you need to move on. It's been almost 10 months, Ashton. You need to piece your life back together because I'm sick to death of trying to piece it back together for you." I stopped shouting and processed the razor coated words I had just sent in Ashton's direction. The apartment was dark but a few strings of light swung lightly upon Ash's skin, highlighting tear tracks.

"I'm going to go to Michael's, Ash, are you going to be okay?" I said timdly. He simply nodded and with that, I left.

******

"Wait let me get this straight, you left him alone? " I was now sat in Michael's worn down apartment now, after explaining what had just happened with Ashton.

"Yeah? I thought he might need some time to cool off."

"Cool off? When you've smoked half a packet of cigerettes and almost 3 bottles of alcohol, Calum, when you're left alone you don't 'cool off.'" Michael spoke whilst pacing across the living room in front of me while I sat on the sofa. His arm gestures were a flailing mess of fustration and his expression was of a similar formula.

"Shit." I said simply, realising what I had done.

"I'm driving you back to your apartment right this instance before Ashton does something he'll regret."

"You don't think he would?--"

"I'm not saying it's impossible."

With that Michael scooped his keys up with one hand and lifted me up with the other.

The car journey was mostly silent and how I loathed it.

"Michael I'm scared."

"Me too, Calum." Michael spoke from next to me.

"I already lost Luke I can't lose him too, he wouldn't nonono he wouldn't-- he can't just, no I--"

"Hey no, don't talk like that." Michael said slowing at a red light and resting a hand on my thigh. "We're going to go home and Ashton will be right there, sat at the breakfast bar probably eating pizza or something, full of apologies and hugs. It'll all be fine, like it always is. Ok?"

I simply nodded and smiled. I traced circles in his hand that rested on my thigh for the rest of the journey.

We got to the apartment and I struggled to open the door, the cold metal of the key slipping against my shaky sweaty palms. Michael unlocked the door for me and I wheeled myself in first. I switched on a light expecting to find Ashton but I was faced with nothing. 

"A--Ashton?" I practically whispered into the dark apartment. Behind me Michael paced around the room, inspecting everything. Beer bottles lay in the bin, the floor was perfectly vacuumed and the light smell of air freshener lay in the air.

"Calum, are you sure Ashton was here drinking? Because it seems like he was fucking spring cleaning to me." Michael said, glancing around the room obviously as bewildered as me by the situation. 

"He was right there." I said pointing to the space on the floor next to the coffee table when a piece of paper that lay upon the table caught my eye. I cautiously wheeled up to it, afraid to read what words graced the pages. I picked it up and read. 

Calum, I'm going to be gone for a while. The definition of a while? An hour, A day, A week, month or a year. Who knows? 

Don't come looking for me, this is for the best. I've left £500 and I'm sure Michael will look after you. 

This doesn't mean that I've stopped caring about you, Calum. 

Because I never will. 

Until we meet again, 

Ashton. 

My throat started close in on itself and I let myself shut down. I smacked the paper back down on the table with a new found anger, if the anger was at Ashton or myself, I wasn't sure. 

"Calum? Calum what's that? What's happened?" Michael said, obviously worried as he walked up to my side. 

"He's fucking gone, Michael." I turned sharply away and made my way to Ashton's bedroom. It was practically empty apart from a bed frame with a bare mattress and a couple of posters hanging off the wall. 

"I'm sorry, Calum." Mikey said from behind me wrapping his arms around my neck. 

"I thought I meant more to him than this. I thought I was worth staying for, fighting for." 

"He'll back, just you wait." 

"I don't want to wait, Michael. I'm so fucking done with waiting. I thought after all this time, after everything we'd been throught he'd stay for me. Obviously not." I said hiding my head in my hands. 

"I'm not Ashton but I'm here, I'm always here."


	17. Part Seventeen

Michael POV. 

I find it hard to say "bye bye"

Even in the state of you and I

And how can I refuse?

Yeah, you rid me of the blues

Ever since you came into my life

\- Medicine, The 1975.

"You know the truth Michael, you know he doesn't care." 

"Of course he cares, Calum always cares." I hung my head as the man next to me let out a dull laugh. 

"Come on Michael, we both know that's bullshit. He's using you." He paused momentarily to take a swig of his beer. "Poor old crippled boy needs someone to push him around, poor old depressed alcoholic boy is an easy target." 

"Please Isaac, not tonight." 

"Not tonight? Then when? Michael you belong with me." 

"Stop--Stop saying that. You don't know what I want." 

"You want me. You just don't see it yet." 

"I have to go, Isaac. Calum's waiting up for me." I grabbed my jacket and turned away from him to get up when I felt a firm grip on my arm. 

"I'll see you here next week, remember what we discussed." 

"I remember, just please; don't hurt Calum." I said giving him a pleading look. I shook his grip off and walked out the bar door. 

******* 

"Michael! Where have you been? I tried calling you and--" I cut Calum's ramblings off with a short kiss and plonked myself next to him on the sofa. 

"Phone died while I was walking home." I answered simply.

"You--You kissed me?" 

"Yes, I did, well observed."I said switching the tv on.

"Oh. Is that something we do now? Casually kiss?" Calum said, trying his best to turn to me, despite his legs.

"Well if you want it to be."

"Yeah, I'd like that." He smiled sweetly and pressed his lips against mine.

Ashton POV

"Ashton, what the fuck?" Sarah exclaimed as I pushed open the door the the coffee shop.

"Hey, keep your voice down. It's late."

"No I will not keep my voice down, you twat. What the hell do you think you're playing at? Calum and Michael have been worried beyond sick. I can't believe you."

"What I'm doing is for the best, I promise you. I'm leaving London tomorrow and I just wanted to say a few goodbyes." I was now sat down, a counter separating Sarah and I.

"Are you planning to say goodbye to Michael and Calum?"

"No but--"

"Ha, should have guessed it. You can't just disappear when it gets too rough, Ashton. Do you know what this will do to Calum?"

"He has Michael now, he doesn't need me."

"Even you know that's complete bullshit. Of course he needs you, you both need as many people as you can get. What if something happened to Michael?"

"They'll survive." I said jumping off the barstool and swinging my duffle bag over my shoulder.

"But Ashton--"

"Goodbye, Sarah."


	18. Part Eighteen

Calum POV

Rain or storm, the only place I wanna be

Is close to the heart of everything you'd ever need.

Lightning is not frightening when you are with me

Oh 'cause love is not always what you think it'll be.

\- Strange Love, Karen O

"Calum I want to go on a date with you." 

I looked away from my book to meet the boy who led next to me's eyes. 

"A date? Really?" I said raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! Really! You deserve some happy time after the shenanigans of the past few weeks and I like to think a date will give you that." Michael said with an unnecessary amount of enthusiasm. 

"You can just buy me a pizza, that'd make me happy." 

"Caluuuum. Actualy, cut the discussion. You're going on a date with me and that's final." Michael spoke as he pulled me upright in bed, supporting my back as he tossed me my shirt from the end of the bed. 

"Where would we go? We can't afford anything fancy, don't spend much money on me, please." I said as I pulled on my shirt and shifted from my bed into my chair, with the help of Michael, of course.

"We have that money Ashton left, we could use some of that for this date and Christmas presents." Michael said pushing me out the bedroom door and into the kitchen.

"Surely we should save and since when do we bother with Christmas presents?" 

"Since I said so. I love Christmas and I'm going to make you love it as well." Michael smiled, scattering butterfly kisses across my face. 

"That's going to be a challenge, I hate Christmas." I said, folding my arms. 

"And why is that, Mr Grinch?" Michael said, setting down two cups of (cold) coffee before sitting on the opposite side of the table to me. 

"Uh just one Christmas, I--Uh- Came out to my parents. They weren't impressed to say the least." I said, shrugging. It didn't really pain me to ponder over the memory that much anymore I just kind of-- Accepted it. 

"Oh shit, I'm sorry, Calum. I'm sorry for being so in sensitive." He said, rubbing my hand. 

"It's fine, they're not particularly homophobic they just really wanted me to marry this rich girl because we were so, so, poor at the time. They kept saying 'Why can't you just marry her, Calum?' and 'If you loved us you'd stop being gay and marry her."" I said trying to shrug it off. 

"That's so horrible I-- Do you still talk to them?" 

"Not really. After I moved to London to go to Uni, on student loans alone, they kind of stopped. They of course came to visit after the accident but once I was alright again they disappeared off the face of the earth." I said, sipping my freezing cold coffee.

"And you're alright with it?" Michael questioned. 

"As alright you can be with the situation, I guess. Can we just drop this?" I said feeling emotionally drained already at this early in the morning. 

"Yeah sure, sorry I ever brought it up." Michael said dropping his head. 

"Uh, anyway. How's about this date you're whisking me off on?" I said, wiggling my eyebrows playfully. 

"If you carry on like that, you're not going on any dates." Michael said picking up the empty coffee mugs from the table and placing them in the sink. 

"Alright, alright. Before any date we need to go to the hospital." 

"What? Why? What happened." Michael said rushing to me, panicking. 

"I have an appointment, idiot." I said, not bothering to hold back laughs as Michael's cheeks turned a dark crimson shade. 

***** 

Michael POV

As I pushed Calum on the route to the hospital, I took a moment to admire him, which I hadn't had the the time to do in the past few weeks. Maybe tonight would be the start of a better time for us, once we had Ashton back with us, of course. I really think that there's a future for Calum and I's relationship.

I could only see the top of Calum's head, smothered in untouched unruly curls, as he bobbed it slightly to the beat he was humming and his tapping fingers accompanied it.

"Michael, I can feel your eyes burning into me, stop it." Calum said not even bothering to look up at me.

"How the hell did you do that?"

"Because you're always staring. It's like if you stop staring you think I'll melt or disappear. I won't by the way, in case you were wondering." Calum said craning his neck up to me and smirking.

"Alright, alright. Nothing wrong with admiring a beautiful man." I said casually before I processed my clumsy words. I never compliment Calum (Out loud - that is.)

"Uh--thanks? Hey, shouldn't we stop and see Sar--" Before Calum could finish the coffeeshop door burst open as we passed it displaying a manic looking Sarah.

"Do you two never answer your phones or something?" She said, exasperated.

"What's up?" I said turning Calum and I on the spot to face her.

"I think you should both come inside."

*****

"So Ashton just turned up here last night and apologised to you then left?" I said bewildered by the new information that Sarah had fed us.

"Just like that. It was too dark to chase after him and he gave absouletely no indicators to whereabouts he was going." Sarah shrugged. I turned my attention to a rather pasty looking Calum who sat next to me.

"Calum? Are you okay?" I said, shaking him gently.

"Yeah I just, no offense to you Sarah but I thought he'd at least say goodbye to me. I thought I was at least worth a goodbye, you know." Calum said keeping his head down the entire time. He twiddled his thumbs as he stared at them with great amounts of concentration. I didn't hate Ashton but how I loathed what he had done to Calum. 

"Let's get you out of here, babe. See you later Sarah, thank you for everything." I said hugging her quickly before pushing Calum out of the coffeeshop. 

******

Calum hardly spoke while we waited in the waiting room but I held his hand all the same. He usually looked quite aware and worried but his face was vaccant and he looked so, empty. 

"Calum Hood? The doctor will see you now." Said a nurse. 

I pushed Calum into the doctor's office where the doctor greeted Calum before turning his attention to me. 

"And you are?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Oh, I'm Calum's--Uh, Boyfriend?" I stuttered, earning dagger eyes from Calum. Who could blame him? We'd never established our labels but I'm willing to announce it to a man I've never met, great.

"Of course. Sit down, 'Calum's Uh Boyfriend.'" The doctor joked while he shook my hand, making me light up like a red traffic light. 

"Okay so I called you here today to discuss something with you, Calum. We have studied your progress through the last year or so and you're doing extremely well. Your spinal cord seems to be self-repairing to a certain extent. It doesn't sound lucky but the angle in which the bullet hit you means the damage done to the bone structure is not as bad as it could of been. Which, is very lucky indeed." The doctor said, shuffling through papers in the process. 

"Wh-What? So are you saying I could walk again?" Calum asked, all wide-eyed and hopeful. 

"With the right surgery and a lot of time, yes you could. It's a very complex operation and it'll require a lot of pysio-therapy because of course, you'll need to learn to walk again. If the operation is a sucess, which it might not be, you would need crutches for the months after." 

"I'm sure crutches will be a slight improvement from this damn chair." Calum said, earning a soft laugh from the doctor. 

"Of course and I'm sure the road to recovery will be easier as you're in a stable relationship by the looks of things." 

"Um I'm not sure--" 

"Anyway, you better be off, sorry this is short but we have no one working on phones today, we coudn't just call you and tell you this." The doctor said cutting me off and standing to open the door. "I'll see you back here in two weeks for your operation." We said our goodbyes and left the doctor's office. 

"Boyfriend since when was I your boyfriend?" Calum said not wasting anytime the minute we were outside the office's door

"Since a lovely doctor asked who I was and I panicked." I said, shrugging. 

"What if I don't want to be your boyfriend?" Calum said, folding his arms. I stopped dead in my tracks. 

"What? I thought we--" 

"Oh Michael, I'm joking love, I'm sorry." Calum said, letting his arms down and wheeling himself closer to me. 

"Fuck, don't do that to me Calum. Come on, let's get out of here." I said pushing him out the hospital door. 

It was raining as we left so I automatically slipped off my hoodie and held it over Calum's head while he wheeled himself. 

"Michael what on earth are you doing?" Calum questioned, batting the hoodie that I held over his head out the way. 

"I'm protecting you from the rain, of course." I said, like it was obvious.

"Is it really necessary?" 

"Extremely necessary." 

"Give that here and let me just wear it instead, you idiot."


	19. Part Nineteen

Calum POV

I don't want to feel like this,

I don't want to feel like such an idiot,

For trusting you.

\- Jawbreaker, Candy Hearts.

It was getting late and the sky looked desolate as the sun went behind a vanishing autumn cloud. I was being pushed into some sort of high end restaurant, that I had insisted that Michael hadn't splashed out on but when you're in a wheelchair, you don't get much choice.

We got into the place and we were sat at a table with the usual shuffling of chairs and tables that I was used to. I sat opposite Michael, wearing a warm sort of smile. 

"I can't believe I managed it." Michael said, in a breathless kind of way.

"Yeah, you managed to get me to come out on a date with you. It's a miracle on earth." I said, rolling my eyes. 

"Nonono, not that." Michael said taking my hand in his over the table. "I can't believe I talked to you that day in the cafe, I can't believe you agreed to see me more than once. Calum, you're the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I never thought it was possible for someone to make me so happy in the space of 4 months as you did, and continue to do. I don't know where this is going, or where it will end but all I know is that if you're here, I'm okay. And I'm always going to be." Michael said. 

"Mikey--I don't know what to say--I" I said stuttering completely whisked away by Michael's words. 

"You don't have to say anything, just don't go. Ever." 

"I don't plan on it." 

*****

Michael POV 

It was a couple of hours into Calum and I's date and he didn't seem to be taken back by my little speech earlier. We had laughed, we had cried (as a consequence of the laughing). I think this date has been my best idea yet because I don't think I've ever seen Calum's smile wider and his eyes more alight. God, what is this boy doing to me. 

"So, Calum." 

"Sooo, Michael." Calum giggled slightly, before shoving more spaghetti in his mouth. 

"I think I might start painting again. What do you think?" I said, hopefully. 

"Yes, definitely if you enjoy it! I would say you're good at it but you've never actually showed me your work." 

"Yeah, well I wouldn't count on it." 

"Oh shut up, I bet you paint as good as you look." Calum stated, almost making me choke on my pizza. 

"What's gotten into you tonight?" I said, astounded. It was so strange, I've never seen Calum so confident before, he'd really come out of his shell tonight.

"I don't know, I bet all the Italian food has gone to my head." Calum said, gesturing between his pasta and his head. 

"Oh god. Anyway, I'm going to the bathroom a minute, later you absolute loonatic." I said, getting up and striding towards the bathroom, a definite spring in my step. 

******

I was waiting patiently for Michael to return from the toilets when a man approached the table. He looked around my age, maybe a couple of years older. Around 24, maybe? He wore a long dark duffle coat that stopped just above the knee. His shoes were pristine and polished and his dark navy tie was tied properly around his collar. His chiseled jawline wore sprinkles of facial hair that he itched with his index finger. His raven black hair was gelled into a flawless quiff and all this contributed to a rather--intimidating aura around him. Why he was approaching the table was a complete mystery to me. 

"May I take this seat, Calum?" He spoke and I was completely taken back as this seemingly stranger said my name.

"How did you--"

"I'm a friend of Michael's and I'm here because I bring some bad news." He said swiftly pulling out the chair opposite me and sitting.

"Bad news?" I said desperately swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Yes, it's come to my attention that you and my friend Michael are something of a "item" shall we say?"

"Yeah, I guess?"

"As much as it saddens me to say, he isn't who he says he is." The man said in a frighteningly casual tone, one that did not match the words he spoke.

"Wh--What do you mean?" I stuttered.

"He's been cheating on you. With me, to be precise." And with those words I crumbled.

"You're lying, who are you? You're making this up you can't be--"

"Hey, hush now. I can explain. I'm Isaac and your boyfriend has also been dating me for the past 4 months. I was as devastated as you when I saw you together in the coffee shop but I thought it was best I break it to you now instead of you having to find it out for yourself." Isaac said. I tried to concentrate on him but everything was out of focus and spinning. Michael wouldn't cheat on me, he's Michael, and Michael cares.

"You must have something to show me, how do I know you're not making this up?" I said, the tone of my voice growing with fury that attracted diners around us.

"Yeah, of couse, here." He shoved his phone across the table at me and there was a range of photos of him and Michael together. My stomach churned as I studied the pictures of them cuddling and kissing.

"Michael's hair colour was purple four months ago, see." Isaac said pulling the phone away from teary-eyed glance.

"I just can't believe--"

"No, I couldn't either. But this is who Michael really is. He sees you as vunerable and thought he could manipulate and use you. I'm just kind enough to save you before it's too late." He said patting my forearm. 

"Thank you, I guess. This may take a while to you know. Process." I said, my tone changing from a miserable one to one of mono tone.

"I completely understand. I'm sorry to pick such a bad time but I couldn't see any other opportunity. Anyway, I better be off. Make sure you get home safely, now." Isaac said standing up as swiftly as he had sat.

"Yes, thank you Isaac." I said barely removing my eyes from the table, like I was scared that if I moved them they may flood the restaurant. 

"I'm sorry you got involved with such a bad man like Michael, Calum."

"So am I." I said. Isaac gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder and with that, left the building. I sat there, going through the motions of completely rejecting what he had told me. Michael wouldn't, he just wouldn't. But those photos. And oh, god. My whole stomach was doing front flips and I was losing my focus so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I left, I left it all. I took off out of the restaurant as quickly as my heart was pounding against my ribcage. 

Michael POV

I happily exited the toilet stall, whistling a little tune to myself. I walked up to the sinks and for the first time in what felt like a century, I smiled at my reflection. Everything was finally working itself out and I couldn't be happier. But how foolish of me because nothing stays happy for even a margin of time. I had the smile stolen from my lips as I saw the man that approached behind me. 

"Isaac?" 

"Ahh, Michael just the man I was looking for. You might want to get out there, you have some cleaning up to do." He said in a way that resembled jagged rocks cutting through my heart.

"What the hell have you done to Calum?"


	20. Part Twenty

(WARNING: THERE ARE MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC/SEXUAL ABUSE IN THIS CHAPTER IF YOU FEEL THIS WILL TRIGGER/AFFECT YOU PLEASE DO NOT READ) 

Calum POV

I'm getting more of what I've always wanted, 

But becoming less of who I've ever been. 

Cause I promised myself I'd never hurt you and I did

If you can't trust a liar, how can you trust me again? 

I'm running out of ways to say I'm sorry

\- Dial Tones, As It Is

I pushed myself up to my front door and fumbled with the keys in a mad panic as a lump ceased my throat. I eventually got the door open and entered, slowly closing the door and wheeling myself over to the phone. I punched in the number and put it on speaker and waited for it ring. 

" Hi! You've reached the voicemail of Ashton Irwin, (Hey! And Luke!) Yeah, and Luke! I'm probably busy or something so leave a message after the beep (beep)"

Ashton and Luke's voices rung around the empty flat and I let tears absentmindedly soak my cheeks. I switched the phone off and I looked around me. Empty. Everything was empty. Who did I have now? I had nobody. Absolutely nobody. My body began to shake, all the anger, the depression the emotion made it's way through every single bone and my chest racked with tears. My depression was sort of smothering me and I couldn't find any oxygen anymore. I curled into myself up onto the sofa with no intention of ever getting up.

*****

Michael POV

"Calum! Calum? Calum!" I shouted from street to street, searching for him. It had been half an hour since I fled the restaurant after my confrontation with Isaac. My mind had been running over all the dark and sickening lies Isaac could of poured over Calum. The thought of it all made me violently sick. I couldn't loose Calum. Not again.

I almost smacked myself when I realised I hadn't even looked in his fucking apartment yet. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, the brisk midnight wind blowing against my t-shirt, lifting my denim jacket far behind me. I dodged people, narrowly missed several rubbish bins and ignored all of Sarah's shouts to me as I sprinted past the coffee shop. The adrenaline pumped through my veins and carried me quickly to Calum's flat door. I used my key and steadily unlocked it, I was greeted by a silent apartment. 

"Calum? Oh god, Calum what happened?" I exclaimed, running over to Calum who was led on the sofa curled up into himself. Upon hearing my voice he slowly uncurled himself and propped himself up so he could turn his tear soaked complexion to face me.

"What happened? What happened?" Calum said as he was sat on the sofa looking down on me as I knelt on the floor. 

"You're a fucking liar Michael Clifford, you've been manipulating me for four whole months and you have the cheek to come in here and ask me what happened?" Calum spat down at me. I was completely bewildered, what was he was talking about?

"Don't look at me like that Michael, you know exactly what I'm talking about." 

"I don't--" 

"You cheated, Michael. With whoever this Isaac guys is. You tricked me into liking you for four fucking months and I thought I meant something to you. I thought you actually liked me. And you--you did this. You would be fucking dead if it wasn't for me but you took that and you walked all over it because--because." He was now stumbling over my rage empowered words and he had no intents of stopping. 

"No you don't understand Cal, you've got it all wrong!" I said, tears streaming down my face. 

"Yes, I've got it wrong because I thought you were different from the others Michael. I thought you were going to stay but you're going to leave and I don't understand what I did wrong, I was a good boyfriend, wasn't I?" 

"Of course Calum, I meant every word of what I said earlier at dinner, I think--I think I lov--" 

"No, no don't finish that. Don't ever fucking finish that sentence because you know what love is? It's all bullshit, Michael. You convince yourself that love exists and all you ever need is love, when it means fuck all. All love does is destroy. You get the love for all of five fucking minutes then it all comes crashing down because it's an illusion, Michael. All you ever feel is imaginary. Love is a disease and I never want to feel it because all it does is destroy. I watched it destroy my parents marriage, I watched it as my parents used it to destroy me. I watched it crumble away the remains of Luke and Ashton. Now its tearing us apart. I don't know why you've done this, but I have no intentions of finding out so go. Just leave."

"No Cal please, hear me out." I said practically begging on my knees.

"No I said leave."

"Calum I-"

"JUST FUCKING GO MICHAEL I DON'T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE." Calum screamed at me, ever last bit of fury aimed at me in a hurricane of speech. I took a deep breath and decided I was going to tell Calum. If I didn't tell him now I was certain I was going to lose him forever.

"He used to hit me."

"What? Who used to hit you Michael?"

"Isaac. That man that claimed to be my boyfriend earlier hasn't been my boyfriend for a long time and I definitely wasn't cheating on him with you."

"Oh my g--"

"No cal, let me finish this time." I said pressing a hand to Calum's knee and pushing myself up so I was now sat next to him on the sofa.

"I started dating Isaac a couple of years ago, and it all went great. He was lovely, a real gentleman, would turn up at my doorstep with flowers and such, I really liked him. We were fine for a long period of time but one day he sort of--changed. He started texting constantly, demanding my whereabouts and tracking me down and pulling me back to his place if I was out with friends. He started to want to explore more in the bedroom, he would make me do things that I didn't want to do and if I refused he would hit me, a lot. Do you remember that time we watched The Fault in Our Stars and you touched my thigh? Yeah, u--uh well he used to hit me there every time I refused to do something for him and oh god it was so bad and I didn't want to be there and-- he just didn't let me go. He's the cause of my drinking problem and everything revolves around him. He dumped me around 8 months ago when he had to move away for a job but now he's back and he keeps trying to get me back--an--and he keep threatening to hurt you.I just can't--I can't do this anymore Cal." That's when I lost it. I couldn't speak anymore. I fell apart in Calum's arms. He held me tightly, as if he was desperately trying to keep me together.


End file.
